Day 15: iDarwin

Despite the inexplicable step up in security at DW HQ, “the” were determined to carry on with our equally inexplicable investigation.

Communications from DW HQ were still being intercepted because it doesn’t matter how big their Tank is, or whether their heads go right to the top of their hats, we can still log into Tw@tter and see what they’re up to.

The following communication was intercepted on the 20th July at about 0900 hours:

“I want to improve communication between affiliates, merchants and Affiliate Window.”

This is probably the most obvious af all the communications intercepted so far. So obvious infact, we didn’t even have to use a Boffin to decypher it. Instead, we asked Mauren, from “the” typing pool to have a stab.

She stabbed:

“Well it’s obvious innit, they’re gunna give everyone a new mobile phone like an iPhone, or Blackberry, so they can all talk wiv eachuva. Or a Nokia“

Mauren is the one at the back

Mauren

Mauren’s revelation revealed very little other than Affiliate Window seemed to be planning on being rather generous, which didn’t fit the evil profile on Digital Window we made up for them. Some of “the” boffins came up with what they thought Project Darwin might look like.

This is Project Darwin or what it might be

This is Project Darwin or what it might be. Beard may be optional, but probably not.

This picture, which is definitely what Project Darwin might be, proves beyond all doubt that we know more about it than you do. It is unclear if Project Darwin, or iDarwin as it is going to be known, will be beard operated. It probably are though.

Although the above image is irrefutable evidence of a communicationary device and a beard, we needed to know what evil Affiliate Window were planning. A boffin with a GCSE in social studies stuck his oar in:

“I believe the dastardly plan is manyfold, so I will list the many dastards that make up the plan in a HTML unordered list:

  • To destroy the English language by making evry1 tlk in txt spk.
  • To fry the World’s brains with radiation, like what’s in a microwave when you nuke a Rustlers.
  • To destroy the landscape with evil mobile phone masts. But not like them cool tree masts that I was on the development team for.
  • To turn everyone into an a*sehole as they use iDarwin while driving, which there is no excuse for. Really there isn’t. If you do that, you are an a*sehole, end of. Even if it’s YOU, I don’t care, you are an a*sehole.”

This Boffin is clearly an idiot, but has some pretty fair comments, even if they aren’t anything to do with Project Darwin.

A further communication has just been intercepted using the same technique as the last one and the one before that. This communiction, intercepted at 11.22 hours on Tuesday 21st July 2009, proves without a shadow of a doubt that I was right last Sunday when I got all serious and that. So, Ner:

“I want merchants to be able to better understand how an affiliate will be promoting them.”

Obviously, whatever Project Darwin is, definitely might be what I said it are.

It’s clear that iDarwin Project Darwin is likely to be very special. But not in a window licking way.

 

Posted: July 21st, 2009 under Journal.

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